The Other Women

I'm too weak to finish this. I have tried. This Wednesday I was planning on finishing with him - to give him a chance to sort his marriage out or choose me. But I spoke to him about how I was feeling and I just couldn't do it.

He spoke to his wife this weekend. She has known about us for a while. I don't think she knows how deep it has gone but she knows about me. Why is she so stupid to stay with him when he is doing that to her. I know that sounds hypercritical of me because I am doing the same but I know the whole picture. I know he is married I know where he is and what he is doing because he texts me and calls me constantly. I see him all week when we work together and at the weekends he sneaks round to my flat to see me. How can she live like that.

We've got a couple of days off work and we're going away together. His wife knows he has some study time but is happy that he is going back to work because he can't revise at home. She knows he is coming to see me. I feel really shit for her but really is she so stupid!

I wish I was strong enough to end this but I don't want to. I love him too much and I can't bear the thought of not being with him. More so I can not bear the thought of him staying in a marriage that he isn't happy in when he could be happy with me.

I am a selfish bitch really. But I wish she knew what he was really like and that he has been cheating on her with various girls for years. You ask yourself how can I be with a man that has been like that but I am naive enough to think that I am different but I know that this affair has scared him shitless because he has never fallen in love with any of his fuck buddies and he loves me.

Oh well the saga continues.........

What to do?
Well inspired to start a blog by the girl with the one track mind (not that this has a siniliar content). I thought it could be something new and interesting to start.

My life has been turned upside down in the last six months. At 26 I got married 3 years ago to the man I met at uni when I was 18. We spent 8 years together then I cheated on him. Not what you would call an affair but just some amazing sex with someone at work. There was no emotion involved and it wasn't gonna go anywhere but it made me realise that I just wasn't happy in my marriage and that the spark had gone.

So we tried counselling and then after a couple of months we realised that it wasn't gonna change so we split up.

But then just as I thought my life couldn't get complicated enough I got involved with a married man. So in my job I work away during the week and we all live in a complex together. We started off just trapping at the end of a drunken night then it become more regular. At first it was just shagging, then we'd slip back to our own rooms then we started spending the whole night with each other. It became more effectionate. I never realy kidded myself that I was just fucking the guy - I knew I was falling for him despite the fact that I had only just left my husband.

I knew it would end eventually so I just decided to carry on and enjoy the sex. Which I have to say was fantastic. I had never met a man who could have sex 5 times in one night and enjoy pleasuring me so much! But then it started to change and he started to fall in love with me. When we were apart at the weekends he would sneak around to call and txt me. He lives only half a mile away from me and would sneak over to see me. Great for me initially but i knew that I would have to make a decision at some point and end it because I didn't want to be the other women for the rest of my life.

Then over Christmas he was skiing with his family and phoned me constantly, telling me he loved me and that he was miserable without me. On his last night away he phoned me from the bar and his wife came down - he was drunk and didn't hang up. I could hear the fight and her struggling to take the phone from him. I just told him to go and talk to her.

I should explain at this point that his wife knows I exist. He has told her that he wasn't happy at home and that he was having feelings for someone else and knowing that I was someone at work it wasn't hard for her to put 2 and 2 together.

The next morning the day of his return I got a txt saying that he was going to walk when he got home. He came round that night - desperate to see me because he had missed me so much but he hadn't walked, he just couldn't up and leave without really talking to her.

For the next week before we returned to work he struggled to decide what to do - whilst continuing to come and see me each day. Back at work we have been together and been happy but now I know I have to do something because I cannot continue as we are. I love him and know he loves me but I feel like I am not giving him the chance to work on his marriage while I am in the picture. How do I end it with someone I love to carry on his life where I know he isn't happy?

Having left my husband I am struggling to make my own life - I feel lonely at the weekends and live for the weeks when I am with him. I am scared of losing the one thing that makes me so happy at the moment and so miserable at the same time.