I'm too weak to finish this. I have tried. This Wednesday I was planning on finishing with him - to give him a chance to sort his marriage out or choose me. But I spoke to him about how I was feeling and I just couldn't do it.

He spoke to his wife this weekend. She has known about us for a while. I don't think she knows how deep it has gone but she knows about me. Why is she so stupid to stay with him when he is doing that to her. I know that sounds hypercritical of me because I am doing the same but I know the whole picture. I know he is married I know where he is and what he is doing because he texts me and calls me constantly. I see him all week when we work together and at the weekends he sneaks round to my flat to see me. How can she live like that.

We've got a couple of days off work and we're going away together. His wife knows he has some study time but is happy that he is going back to work because he can't revise at home. She knows he is coming to see me. I feel really shit for her but really is she so stupid!

I wish I was strong enough to end this but I don't want to. I love him too much and I can't bear the thought of not being with him. More so I can not bear the thought of him staying in a marriage that he isn't happy in when he could be happy with me.

I am a selfish bitch really. But I wish she knew what he was really like and that he has been cheating on her with various girls for years. You ask yourself how can I be with a man that has been like that but I am naive enough to think that I am different but I know that this affair has scared him shitless because he has never fallen in love with any of his fuck buddies and he loves me.

Oh well the saga continues.........